


These fragile strings that bind us

by Delier



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Boys In Love, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, M/M, Please Don't Kill Me, The Author Regrets Nothing, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-04 13:35:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delier/pseuds/Delier
Summary: Takao and Midorima have been in a relationship for years and living together since the end of high school. But things aren't going well and only now has Takao realized he is unsatisfied. With such fragile strings connecting them, should he stay or let go of Midorima?





	1. So close yet so far

**These fragile strings that bind us**

 

When Takao woke up with his alarm clock ringing, he was alone again. It's not what he preferred, but that's just the way it was. Since he finished high school, both Midorima and him have moved in together. It was not something planned and discussed between the two, as if they were behaving like the young adults they were ( _ still are _ , he recalls). Everything happened little by little: each time he visited the boy with green locks, he left some of his items in the house, as a reminder of his brief passages when he was with him on weekends and vacations; something done without thinking too much into it. Soon, almost all his belongings were stored in the Midorima's house and he saw no reason not to move permanently. His parents were surprised by his attitude; they did not expect him to leave the house so fast. It was a little painful for his ego to admit, but they were right. If it were not for his stupid heart, he would have continued to live with his parents until he was thirty. Maybe more, if he was honest with himself, remembering how comfortable it was to have his clothes washed and food ready when he got home after a hectic day of study and frustration.

 

And well, honestly, it wasn’t unintentional that he decided to leave things at Midorima's house. Takao knew it would not be something easily accepted by the other and it would be uncomfortable to bring the subject into any conversation, since all the attitudes they had in that relationship were made in the heat of the moment. And perhaps, on second thought, by impulsive actions of himself, that during all this time he decided to insist on having more and more time and space in the routine of the man with green locks. If they depended on the other, they would still be seeing each other once every two months and hardly express affection the way other couples usually do, since Midorima always preferred to maintain a certain physical distance.

 

And here was Takao stuck in a dull routine - thanks to himself - with Midorima getting up before him and leaving home, going to the hospital without any kind of warning.

 

“Shin-chan, always so cruel …” he whispered every morning, remembering how he hasn't even got a goodbye kiss.

 

For someone like him, to be without that familiar presence at his side when he shared the bed with his lovers was one of the worst sensations. Takao always liked being close to people, feeling the warmth of their bodies against his as they hugged each other. It was something that made him feel welcome and relaxed. But with Midorima, he never received that kind of treatment. Well, he got used to it, so he should not be complaining now, not while living with someone who was responsible for all household expenses. It would be rude to continue with these thoughts, since it was a decision that he made, even knowing the ups and downs of the relationship he would have.

 

And with a tightness in his chest, he questioned the authenticity of the situation he was in. It did not seem right to consider that what he had with Shintarou was a romantic relationship. There was never a verbal confirmation that determined that they were a couple or that they would have an exclusive relationship. The fear of being rejected was greater than his curiosity, and so he went with the flow and followed what the other seemed to prefer. Was it just fear or another one of his irrational desires? He wouldn’t know. It might not seem like it, but Takao has always been a bit selfish. The thought of letting Midorima go and find someone else bothered him. He always wanted the greenish-toned eyes to be turned to him, and he thought he had achieved this feat after all that time trying to get his attention. However, Shintarou seemed distant from him, more than he liked. If they asked him if this distancing thing started recently or if it has been always there, he couldn’t tell. And that was a question whose answer he feared the most.

 

To avoid such thoughts from overcoming his mind and spoil a morning that had not begun well, the boy decided to get up and start preparing for the day to come. After taking his morning shower and eating his breakfast, he filled his backpack with some papers and left the house. When he said goodbye, no one answered back.

 

One of the most difficult decisions he had ever made - second to when he confessed his feelings for Midorima - was choosing which college he would apply to. That being because Takao never had a dream of his own. Few things or people were able to hold his attention for longer than a few minutes, which naturally made things more complicated and tedious than they should be. Knowing that his forte had always been the English language, psychology, and sociology, he managed to cross more than half of the options available at the time and decided to dedicate himself to Economics. It was not something that made him fall in love with, but it was something that conquered him gradually and provided an air-conditioned office with a guaranteed salary at the end of the month. He would not explore the subjects that interested him the most, but he would be able to sustain himself, which was what he needed most.

 

And now, in his 25 years, the brunette had finished college and enjoyed the comfort of a steady job not far from his home. Something he considered indispensable, since he always had trouble with waking up early. In reality, dressing up as an ordinary Japanese worker seemed like something a minor character of an anime or manga would do, yet he recognized that he could not imagine himself in any other way.

 

Takao had thought that he would have a normal working day, but was surprised by the arrival of a message from a number he had not seen for a long time:

 

_ We’re gonna meet tonight. You coming? _

 

“Otsubo-kun, always so formal and straight to the point.” Takao said, surprised to feel his expression turning into a grin with something so simple.

 

After high school, the members of the basketball team who accompanied him during that period went their separate ways, either because of divergent interests or because they moved out to chase their dreams. Usually, people tend to believe that long-distance friendships doesn’t last long, which was completely understandable. However, the serious Otsubo Taisuke insisted that they provided their most recent phone number or email they had, something that shocked Takao on the day, as he believed that such a serious boy would be one of the first to disappear. And Otsubo has often been scheduling meetings with the old basketball team since then, those meetings being in places that are as accessible as possible, considering both the income and travel time for each of the members.

 

Feeling a bit guilty over his answer, Takao replied:

 

_ Sorry, Otsubo-kun, I can’t go today. _

 

Takao put his phone in his pocket in a half-failed attempt to forget the bad feeling that had plagued him over bailing at the (almost) monthly meeting. Though his eyes were focused on the endless paperwork, his mind was lingering on his old friend's message. He felt like betraying his friends with his refusal, even though it was not the first time that this happened. It had been more than 8 months since he stopped attending the boys' meetings, not for lack of an invitation or feeling unwanted. With his rushed daily routine and the willingness to spend more time with his (maybe) boyfriend, Takao began to immediately cancel his participation. A stupid attitude that he would criticize if it were done by others, because he recognized that it was necessary to cultivate friendships and not let anyone aside for a partner. And here he was in another trouble which he had brought upon himself for being a fool.

 

However, his thoughts were interrupted by the movement of his co-workers, which made him look at the clock and almost jump out of his chair. The work schedule was over and he should not be wasting time sitting thinking about what he might have done differently in his life.

 

Halfway through his daily commute on the subway, Takao felt relieved to be coming home. When he arrived, he would take a hot, long shower to relax his body and mind that had not left him alone during the day. Then he would cook his lover's favorite dish, since he came home a little later. And if he was lucky, he would see Midorima before he went to bed, something that was becoming increasingly rare, since he spent most of his time in the hospital where he worked.

 

When he opened the door to his house, his heart in his mouth as he heard footsteps and objects being handled. Immediately he imagined that it was a break-in, but soon doubt and fear were put aside when he heard a male voice calling for him:

 

"Takao, is that you?"

 

Happy to find him before he expected, Takao went into the living room smiling; any negative feeling being buried somewhere in his mind instantly.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. I did not expect to see you so soon." he admitted. But then the smile left his face and his surprise became apparent as the gray eyes landed upon the figure of the other. "Are you leaving now, Shin-chan?"

 

"Yes, I just came to get some papers that I had forgotten." Midorima shook his head and continued to set the papers in a black folder.

 

"Oh, I was about to make dinner. Wouldn't you rather wait a bit before you leave?” maybe it was pathetic, but he appealed to a convincing argument to indirectly ask him to stay.

 

“I can’t. I need to go now.”

 

With resolute steps, Midorima left the room and went to the entrance of the apartment, without stopping at any moment. Takao clenched his teeth and watched him go, feeling his heart heavy and his legs weak.

 

"Have a good night at work, Shin-chan." The black-haired boy forced himself to sound cheerful and smile, hoping the other would turn around.

 

"Good night, Takao." Shintarou replied.

 

When he heard the door close, his legs gave in and he was forced to sit, not believing he would have enough strength to stand up. Midorima did not turn to say goodbye. It was what he expected - even if he didn’t want it to be true - so why did it bother him so much? He always knew what he was getting into, he must have been used to not expect too much.

 

And yet he felt even more alone than when he woke up.


	2. Chapter 2: Love makes us fools

  
  


After the previous incident, Takao saw his (maybe) boyfriend only three times. And in all these moments, he barely entered the apartment and headed straight to the bedroom, falling quickly into a deep sleep from which he would only wake up with the help of a cell phone alarm to get up and return to the hospital once more. And on two occasions, he managed to take some time from Midorima for himself.

The first time, Midorima had returned and laid on the bed ready to rest, while Takao was already sleeping. But when Takao felt the bed sinking with the extra weight, he woke up immediately and, in a reckless act, his free arm reached out to Shintarou and wrapped the other in a hug. Midorima's body stiffened almost immediately upon feeling that he was being embraced unexpectedly, which brought a smile to Kazunari when he saw a reaction so characteristic of his partner.

And the second and last time happened when Shintarou was preparing to leave home and go to work. It was morning and Takao had woken up without finding another body while blindly touching the bed. With his mouth dry and consumed by the feeling of desperation scratching his throat, he took the cell phone that was on the nightstand and checked the hour. As soon as he had confirmed it he rose from his bed and striding anxiously, walked to the kitchen and stopped when he saw the silhouette of the man he loved. Midorima was standing in front of the counter with a cup of coffee in one hand and the cell phone in the other, probably absorbed in the news of the daily horoscope. Eager for having found him so early, Takao moved silently and went to his encounter. Hugging the other behind his back made Midorima almost break the cup with the shock that ran trough his body after being touched suddenly, which made Takao hold back laughing.

 

"Calm down, Shin-chan, all this shaking won’t do your heart any good.”

 

"And whose fault do you think it would be?" Midorima snapped angrily, his voice rising an octave.

 

“Yours, I think.”

 

Midorima turned to him, frowning as if the tone of voice he'd used earlier hadn’t been enough for the other to notice his displeasure.

 

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

 

"I should, but I missed you and wanted to see you before you left" Takaro answered honestly with a cheeky and deliberate smile.

 

And luckily he was not disappointed. Shintarou stopped breathing momentarily, his pale cheeks turning scarlet at the man's confession.

 

"Bakao, let me go and go to sleep."

 

With a satisfied smile after hearing the man's strangled voice, Takao released him and waited for him to look at him again.

 

“All right. But you won’t be able to get rid of me later.”

 

“What do you mean by that?” Midorima looked at him suspiciously.

 

“That's a secret." the brunet confessed, and his boyfriend seemed to be disturbed by the answer.

 

With no time to decipher the new puzzle that Takao was hiding behind his mischievous grin, Midorima nodded and deposited the object he held moments before in the sink.

 

"I have to go now." he said as he headed for the entrance.

 

"Have a good day at work, Shin-chan," the boy replied, humming his name as usual.

 

“You too.”

 

Only after the door had closed did the boy move and began to prepare for the day ahead. After eating and taking a shower, he returned to his room and entered the closet. With confident steps, Takao rummaged through a box hidden beneath one of the macaws that guarded their winter coats and social clothing. Below a few pieces of clothing that camouflaged what he had kept secret for some time, he found what he was looking for. The box wrapped in cold-colored wrapping paper in a gradient mix of blue to dark purple seemed to weigh more than ever before in his hand, as if only now the reality of the situation was sinking in.

Kazunari, for the first time since buying the gift, began questioning his decision. Earlier in the year, when he saw the object for the first time, he felt that this was the best option he would have to give to his lover at the end of the year. It was extremely difficult to obtain and he had remembered the possibility of buying that sort of thing after he heard Miyagi complain about his girlfriend's expensive and eccentric taste in gifts, who had asked for one of those. At the time, it was as if a lamp had been lit on his head and he wondered how stupid he had been at not having remembered that option. It was obvious that Shintarou would appreciate the present; and even if his exterior reflected a certain indifference, he knew that inside Midorima would be ecstatic with such surprise.

But months later, he wasn’t sure if that was the right gift anymore. His former fantasies (those extremely silly ones in which Midorima would show some intense emotion and throw him on the closest surface he could find) had slowly dissolved over time, and now there was only the uncertainty and the same old fear of being rejected once more. Not that he expected disgust or sharp words coming from the other  –– the ex-pitcher had never acted so cruelly before, even though he might sound selfish at times. But perhaps he might not use what he would get, leaving the box thrown somewhere in the house. The only thing Takao was sure of in so many doubts was that Midorima would be grateful for the present, politely and distantly as usual, since he didn’t know how to act otherwise.

To pass the time without his anxiety continuing to consume him, the brunet hid the box again and left the room. He washed the clothes of both of them that had accumulated during the week in the bathroom basket and while they were soaking, he cleaned the rest of the house. It might be Christmas soon, but that didn’t mean he should stay home doing nothing. Living with someone who spent most of the time outside the house and who brought most of the financial support, Takao felt that part of his obligation to live there would be to keep the place clean. And even with so many different activities he needed to complete that day, the hours seemed to have frozen, and his agony only increased with the sluggishness of the clock hands in the kitchen. He knew rationally that the impression was false and that time would continue to run it’s course regardless of whatever might have been consuming him. And, after all, would it be better if time went by quickly and he had to see his partner soon or if the clock ticked down slower and the meeting took a long time to come? On one hand, he could deliver the package and see the reaction sooner, his problem would end and he could go about his life normally. And on the other hand, the relationship could wear out even more and get to a point that nothing more could be done to salvage it. Takao didn’t know what he preferred to happen.

And so, hours later (after walking through the house with no purpose at all and opening and closing the refrigerator and drawers of furniture several times) the black-haired man found himself in the middle of another dilemma: how should he present himself to Midorima today? Because even though they were in a comfortable place in their relationship and never having to dress up extravagantly to go out together, the commemorative date called for something more elaborate. Neither of them had made a similar effort before, so the idea he was having to put more effort now seemed to be another attempt to mend the relationship. And in the last few months, Takao had made many attempts. The only thing he could hope for now would be a better outcome than what had previously occurred.

Thus, driven by the urge to cling to anything that might prevent the end that seemed imminent, the former point-guard went back to the closet again and looked for pieces of clothing that were more befitting to such a romantic date that was Christmas. However, as his mind seemed to be more interested in continuing the same path of his thoughts from moments before, he had to pick up the cell phone and do some research on what  would be appropriate for someone to wear when celebrating the date with a special someone. And he was surprised when he realized that the site he was browsing trough was Oha Asa, the same one Midorima used when he wanted to check his daily horoscope. The only thing Kazunari could wish for at that moment was that the clothing tip also worked the same way the horoscope operated on his lover  –– with success guaranteed.

As a result of his desire to have the day end in a positive note that night, he picked up a white social shirt, a moss-green sweater and jeans. After taking another shower to remove sweat from his body, Takao wore the outfit he selected based on what Oha Asa had suggested and began to prepare the special dinner, feeling the stomach in knots as he noticed the passage of time. When the clock struck at 8:30 p.m., concern made his veins freeze. But as he was still preparing dinner, he swallowed hard and continued the preparations as if nothing had changed in his plans. If Oha Asa had said that day would be fruitful in bringing new breath to worn relationships, then he would believe it, even with his heart and mind insisting on the contrary. Because if he had learned something during the basketball games he played in high school many years ago, it was that for the passes to work you had to believe in your partner. And now was the time to have faith in Midorima, just as he had had many years before.

With this old and well-known conviction, Takao unlocked the cell phone again and searched for Shintarou's name in his contacts. His hands trembled as he typed the message  ––  no matter how inconvenient it was that he spelled out some words wrong and had to rewrite. Nothing was going to be enough to stop him from finishing.

 

_ What time do you get off work, Shin-chan? Food is almost ready ~ _

 

Sighing as he sent the message, the black-haired man leaned against the kitchen counter as he waited for the other's response. And just like that afternoon, the time seemed to have frozen again. The fear of not being answered was present again and more insistent, though it slowly faded when he remembered the promise he had made to himself to believe in his lover.

A few minutes later, the phone beeped, indicating that it had received a message. With more stable hands, he unlocked the device once more and opened the conversation he had with Midorima.

His slightly bent arms sagged, bringing the cell phone to the floor with a loud thud that went unnoticed by Takao.

 

_ I won’t be going home today. Don’t wait for me to eat. _

 

With a bitter and weak smile, Takao remembered an important detail he had forgotten. During the basketball season, the confidence he shared within the court was not unique to the green-haired man, but it certainly was different from the trust he had in giving his heart to someone.

 

And in the latter one, Midorima was always failing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting a little bit late this new chapter, I had some trouble while translating. And I'm not satisfied enough with how it turned out. Maybe because it doesn't flows exactly the same as in portuguese.  
> Do you guys have something you want to see happen in this fanfic ? I'm open to suggestions and might write them later :) After all, I'm having some trouble imagining some scenes~

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is the first time that I am posting in english. I asked my bf for some help translating from portuguese, so if you see typos or grammar mistakes and so, please let me know and I will fix it. Hope you guys enjoy it. I will be posting a new chapter once a week. So see you soon :)


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